Tennis has provided me so many lessons of life that are a valuable constant that I use every day. There are 8 life lessons of tennis that have given me direction, focus, and guidance as I go through life. They have helped me not only as I learn tennis, but as I’ve grown up, attempted to become more mature, grown my family, and attempted to become a whole person instead of the fragmented pieces my younger self used to be.
1. Sportsmanship
Sportsmanship is defined by Merriam-Webster as, “conduct (such as fairness, respect for one’s opponent, and graciousness in winning or losing) becoming to one participating in a sport”. Being a ‘good sport’ is more than not being upset when you lose. It means carrying yourself with dignity when you make a mistake or succeed. It also means congratulating your opponent when they win or lose. That’s right, whether you win or lose you should give your opponent congratulations on how they played.
Accepting your faults while giving credit to your opponent can be difficult to do in the moment. Taking the time to control your emotions and allow yourself to accept and respect the outcome is sportsmanship. Done over and over again, every chance you get, will make sportsmanship a habit. That will then become part of your personality, and eventually will become your legacy. That is respecting the game, the opponent, and yourself.
Great sportsmanship will show others how you wish to be treated. By showing how you treat others, you set the expectation on how you want to be treated. This will set the example for others around you, including your friends, family, and especially children (whom we all know to be heavily influenced by the actions and demeanor of others). This lesson is how we can make a positive impact on the world through our actions and voice. This life lesson of tennis gains you respect from others and respect from yourself.
2. Patience
Patience is one of the life lessons of tennis that takes the most practice. It’s difficult to have patience in the middle of an intense point, just as it’s difficult to have patience in the middle of an intense moment of life. The desire to end the point with every opportunity we get can be overwhelming. The desire to solve a problem or finish a task immediately, instead of patiently, can lead to poor results. Patience with your shots will give you control over a point and will open up better opportunities as the point progresses. Patience in life will allow you to see the opportunities that life will present you. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take advantage of an opportunity when it becomes available. Patience actually gives us the ability to take advantage when the opportunity comes.
If the opponent is serving, should we impatiently try to hit a winner down the line on our return? No, not usually, as that could end up as a badly hit ball that would either go in the net, fly out of bounds, or give them the opportunity to hit a winner back at us. Maybe we get lucky and actually hit the winner, but you will find trying this over and over again will result in many lost points due to unforced errors.
What should we do on our return? We should patiently hit the ball back, in bounds, to their weaker side (forehand or backhand). Now the point is on and it can progress. At this point, the server still maintains control. As the returner, it’s your job to switch control of the point to your side. That’s how points are won and lost in tennis. The person with the control will dictate the outcome, void of unforced errors that is.
So, as the returner, have patience and purpose with each shot. Understand that your return to their weaker side takes some control from the server. They will have a greater chance of hitting a bad ball, which will give you a chance to flip the control to your side. If they hit a great shot off your return, but it’s still from their lesser side, have patience by continuing to hit to that side. Look for opportunities to open up the court. Most players have difficulty hitting winners from their weaker side, so exploit that by pounding on it. Push them to make a mistake.
When serving, patience is definitely more difficult to have. To be able to switch, in a moment, from being patient to striking a winner is important. As the server you begin the point in control. Where and how you serve will dictate how they return. A weak serve to the opponents dominant side will lose you some control of the point. A strong serve to their weaker side will maintain that control. It may be that the chance for a winner comes right after their return. You might have to wait two, three, or more shots until your winning opportunity shows itself.
Your style of play has a lot to do with the timing of the opportunities to hit a winner. A serve and volley player will have less patience in the point, because their style dictates that they must take advantage of early opportunities. Even still, they must have patience to know if their first volley is the winner or if it should set them up for a second, more opportune volley. A counterpuncher will need lots of patience to succeed in their style. They use patience to their advantage, waiting for the opponent to make a mistake. They will continue hitting the ball back, as if a human ball machine, pushing the opponent to show a weakness or make an unforced error. Any loss of patience may result in an unforced error of their own doing.
3. Self Control
Self control is built from practicing patience. The life lessons of tennis work together to improve each other. As you practice patience on a daily basis, you will feel more in control of your life and your tennis game because you will be more in control of your life and your game. Success will come from not giving in to what you want in that moment but what you want long term. Your goal is to, yes win the point, definitely win the game, but most importantly win the match. Are there times when a point gets sacrificed to win the match? Absolutely.
I subscribe to putting your full effort in on every point because you never know when an opportunity to win will show up. But when a drop shot is perfectly executed 2 feet from the net with a 6 inch bounce and you’re standing 6 feet behind the baseline, do not chase down that shot. Wasted energy here is fruitless and will only weaken you for the next point. The lesson should be to not get yourself in the position of being 6 feet behind the baseline when the opponent has an opportunity to execute that drop shot.
Self control in tennis is also not going for a winner too early. On your return of your opponents serve is not the time to go for a winner. The serve is the shot that initiates control of the point, and seeking to flip control in one shot is difficult, risky, and often fails. The return should be used to gain balance in the point and set you up for your next shot. A good rule of thumb is to hit the ball only about 20% harder than the shot hit to you. This gives you control over the ball. Anything harder than control starts to slip, and risk starts to increase. Exceptions are overheads, certain passing shots, and well executed (but hopefully rarely used) swinging volleys.
Going for the winner while you’re in control of yourself and the ball will lead to more consistent positive results. If you go for something in your life, be prepared so you can execute. Having a base of knowledge for a new endeavor is important. So is just in time learning, which is simply learning as you go. Saying I want to learn to play tennis and then challenging the club champion to a match is too big of a step. Saying I want to learn to play tennis and then taking the steps to learn each stroke is the way to begin. Challenging a novice who is slightly more advanced is a great way to move forward in your game.
4. Mindset
Your mindset, as Carol Dweck described in her wonderful book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, can be either be a fixed or a growth mindset. She describes a fixed mindset is that, “people believe their basic qualities, like their intelligence or talent, are simply fixed traits.” She states in a growth mindset, “people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work.”
She goes on to explain that people can have different mindsets as they approach different situations. Her work, which goes in to incredible and detailed explanations of why an individual carries these mindsets, also helps explain how we can improve our mindsets and decide which approach we will choose to take as we walk through life.
In using a fixed mindset, we can decide that knowing the ball has to go over the net and in the box is as far as we need to know. The talent for tennis is either there or it isn’t. There is no use in trying to spend too much time to improve, as those with more talent will always have the advantage. But this isn’t really true.
In using a growth mindset, we can choose that putting in the effort to learn how to hit a forehand is an ever changing education. How we hit it when we are a beginner is different than how we hit it as a midlevel player, or an advanced player. We must continue to learn and improve our game, knowing that there are different tactics and different mechanics that we can adopt to improve our tennis game.
Adding spin, angles, and movement will improve and broaden our tennis game. Knowing there is room to learn these is using a growth mindset to push yourself to work hard to improve your knowledge of the sport. Spending the time to not only know what to work at but also practicing and pushing yourself, usually with the guidance of a coach, is what will give us the results we desire. This is how we will consistently improve our game, and our lives.
It is those who do not subscribe to the permanence of intelligence and ability that a fixed mindset gives us that can advance further from where we were. Athletic talent is real, and does give those with it an advantage, but there will be limits to the heights one can reach with a fixed mindset. Those with a growth mindset can create and recreate their own heights. They can decide to keep learning, practicing, and improving, not just in tennis, but in all walks of life. Of course we are limited physically to certain endeavors and aspirations. A 60 year old beginner making it to the pro tour is unrealistic. We use reality and sense to help decide what we can achieve with hard work, determination, dedication, and a willingness to learn and practice that of which we learn.
This is one of the most important of the life lessons learned in tennis. The growth mindset opens us to opportunities and enjoyment that a fixed mindset would block us from.
5. Grit
Grit, as defined by Angela Duckworth, “is passion and perseverance for long-term and meaningful goals.” Angela Duckworth is the author of the incredible book, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. Tennis and life will be hard. It isn’t meant to be easy, and if it was, then everyone would be champion without effort. There is a reason the same three stars on the men’s tour have dominated the sport for 15 years. There is a reason the most dominant female athlete in history is STILL competing at the very highest level after 25 years. Grit and a growth mindset are life lessons of tennis that work congruently to grow our abilities beyond the basic level.
Difficult times in our lives and our games are going to happen. The ability and willingness to push through those difficult times is what separates the greats from the all time greats. It’s what takes the one hit wonder and makes them the consistent hall of famer. It’s what takes the 2nd round draft pick like Nikola Jokic and makes him an All NBA player. Really, it’s what takes the single mother of two and gives her the ability to raise her kids with love, laughter, kindness and grace, day after day, week after week, year after year.
Grit will help us push through the hard times, improve through the easy times, and surpass those who give up too early. There is a point where our games will plateau, where it feels like we will always play at the 3.5 level and never make that 4.0 level. The grit to continue practicing and focusing on the little things, when if feels like there is no discernable return, is what will eventually push us to the next level. Seeing our own progress and knowing when to test that progress isn’t always obvious. Take some chances, push for that extra 10%, 20%, and see if you can produce the results you desire.
Having the passion to move forward is a key part of it. Sometimes passion is inherent. Sometimes it’s shaded by the difficulties and frustrations of not seeing improvement. Losing your passion for a sport or activity happens when the roadblocks seem unsurmountable. Grit is pushing through to see if the passion is really gone permanently, or if it is hidden behind those frustrations and struggles.
Find out where your passion level is by consciously realizing where your mind is at, and give yourself a goal and a timeline. If you have or haven’t regained your passion by then, you may have your answer. Listen to yourself, your brain, and your heart. Not just one or the other. Take a brief break from tennis. See if your passion returns. Tennis is always there to return to, and can absolutely be the sport that welcomes you back like a warm blanket on a cold day.
6. Communication
Communication is an underrated aspect of a mostly individual sport like tennis. It is one of the lessons that will impact our life and tennis in ways that aren’t always so obvious. Clear communication with your coach, with your doubles partner, and even with your opponent is vital. Communication with your coach and your double partner seems obviously beneficial, but why communicate with your opponent?
Your opponent, after all, should be kept in the dark about your intentions. You should not tell them if you are good at a forehands, or like to hit down the line, or struggle with overheads, right? Yes, that’s right! So, when do you communicate with your opponent? Well, the server has to communicate the score before every point. The server must also tell the game score before every game. If you have an injury, tell your opponent so they will understand your break.
Also, don’t be afraid to compliment your opponent. Certainly not every point, but on rare occasion give an honest and true compliment. At the end of the match, be sure to use sportsmanship and tell your opponent you appreciate them playing with you. Let them know where it was fun. Do not, however, tell them where they need to improve or what you didn’t like about the match. Let them know where they can improvement when they ask. But reiterate what you liked about their game. Start with a compliment, then give your advice, then end with a compliment. Only include the advice when requested.
You must clearly communicate to your coach where you feel you need help. Communicate which shots you struggle with, and where you feel you need more direction. A coach can usually visually see where you struggle and which shots you need improvement. But only you can communicate when a shot is giving you elbow pain. Your input will tell a coach if you think you’ve maxed out your serve speed, or if a tweak here or there will help. The coach can then suggest and nurture the tweak or change to your game to get you to the next level.
Sharing your personal goals will also make a difference on how a tennis coach coaches you. If you say your goal is to be the 3.5 club champion this year and you are a 3.5 level player, that will require a different short term coaching strategy than if you are a 3.0 level player who has a goal of being the 4.0 level champion within 2 years. Don’t be afraid to talk to your coach and tell them what you want. It is, after all, your tennis game that we’re communicating about here. And in all likelihood, it’s your money you’re spending. So talk, communicate clearly, and define the direction you want to go.
Constant communication with your doubles partner will keep you on the same page. Talking, even during a point, will let each other know where to be and what the plan is. Some doubles partners use hand signals at the beginning of the point to tell each other the play. Others use body language to decide what to do in a given situation.
Take 3 or 4 seconds to talk in between every point to discuss what to do in the next point. Don’t spend too much time debating the last point; focus on the next point and come to an agreement quickly. The key is to not spend the time arguing or disagreeing, that will only lead to dissension. Instead, use the time to accept good ideas and introduce procurement of those ideas. Use each others strengths and mask each others weaknesses. In practice, discuss with your partner what should be the focus for the betterment of the team, not the individual.
7. Grace
A graceful and grateful attitude will allow your mind to stay calm and give you the perspective and clarity needed to see what is successful and what isn’t. An attitude of bitterness will cloud your judgement. Focusing too much on what your opponent is doing will take away from what YOU are doing. This is one of the most difficult and important life lessons of tennis to embrace in defeat. Your opponent can play any way they like, but it’s your reactions, responses, and your own play that determines whether or not you will win. If you are thinking about how they beat you with a sweet down-the- line winner, you won’t be spending the time thinking how you could’ve avoided being in a position to allow a sweet down the line winner.
Similarly, being grateful for just having the opportunity to play will allow you to not dwell on your mistakes. We are all bound to make mistakes playing tennis. Learning from them without dwelling on them will let you move forward from them. Being grateful for the match, the opponent, and the game itself will nurture that mindset.
Winning or losing with grace will give you respect from your opponents. Others will want to play and hit with you. Coaches will want to coach you knowing you have a good attitude. Other players will respect your opinion when you give it. Having the proper attitude of gratitude and grace will give you the mindset needed to allow your talents, grit, and hard work pay off. Tennis, although considered an individual sport, is dominated in so many ways by relationships and the only true way to carry yourself through them is with grace.
8. Love
Love is talked about in every single tennis match, and in fact, every single game. This both the most factual and abstract of the 8 life lessons of tennis. Each and every game starts out love serving love, for love is the score when you have none. I think this is perfect, because even if you have nothing, you have love. In my eyes, tennis equals love.
Not everyone who plays tennis loves tennis. Not everyone who competes loves to compete. But, at the root of it all, love is a part of this sport beyond just the score. Whether you don’t love tennis but you love athletics, or you don’t love competition but you love the sport, or you don’t like either but you love the camaraderie, relish the love you can find in tennis. Relish the relationships with your coach, or your partner, or your opponent. Relationships are what this life is about, and love is what allows a relationship to flourish. Love this opportunity of life. Love this opportunity of sport. Most importantly, love the relationships it produces with people, with your racket, with the court, the balls, the net, and exercise and peace it can provide. Enjoy it. Love it.
How The 8 Lessons of Tennis Have Grown
These 8 life lessons of tennis have changed and grown over time. The only guarantee is they will continue to change as our life changes. Change is the one constant we can count on in life, be it by our own doing or external forces. How we respond to the changes will prove to be way more important and effective than the emotional reactions we have when something external happens. Our responses will give us control and power in our lives and games while emotional reactions will give power to the events and external forces (and people behind those events and forces), thereby eliminating the power we have over our own life. These 8 lessons of tennis have helped me keep power in my life, and I sincerely hope they can help you keep the power in your life.
